Helping Your Preteen Cope with Feeling Left Out!

As our kids get older their friends opinions begin to mean more to them. This shift in perspective can make feeling left or being excluded by their peers a crushing experience.  What can a parent do to help guide their preteen through the emotional ups and downs that are part of this phase of growing up? Our friends at TweenParent.com has some strategies for parents to guide their children through this tricky social phase. 

1) Partner with your tween's teacher and/or school counselor and inform them of the situation. Find out if there are mitigating circumstances that you may not know about.  Then, brainstorm together to determine if there is some support or guidance the school can provide. 

2) Facilitate friendship nurturing in a non-school setting. 

3) Suggest pursuing extra-curricular activities to take the pressure away from friend time and build confidence (by learning a new skill or sport).  

4) Encourage alone time to convey the value of social independence -- "be your own best friend" is a good message.

5) Plan a parent/child activity!  Doing so will make your child feel special and take his/her mind off of the social challenges. 

6) Involve yourself and your child in a charitable endeavor.  Placing the focus on helping others can have the "silver lining" of taking the spotlight off ourselves (even if it's for a short time!).

7) Talk with your friends (fellow parents) to brainstorm their suggestions!

The good news is that fitting in is a fairly common issue for middle school kids and one that we're all familiar with (at every age).  As parents, one of the challenges we face is understanding that we can't fix everything for our children (in fact, if we were even able to, we'd be sending the message to our children that we don't think they're capable -- a whole new issue!).  But, we can be prepared to help our children cope as they work things out for themselves.  And, yes, maybe we can work a little magic behind the scenes!

For more information and more amazing articles visit their site at TweenParent.com.

October 20th

Thanks to  Vivian Manning-Schaffel and Mom Logic for the wonderful post on the  JustAskMarlene site, and the My Tween Lifestyle Collection! Moms-Check it out!

Marlene Wallach has a lot to share. As president and owner of Wilhelmina Kids and Teens, she's served as confidante to both tweens and the health and beauty experts they'd love to learn from.

 She hopes her new book series, The Tween Lifestyle Collection, and her website, Just Ask Marlene, will empower young girls with the tools to sail through tweendom more happily.

"I see these young adolescents trying to make their way through the world, hearing all these mixed messages. I wanted to use my voice of authority in the world of modeling to get their attention," Wallach says. "They come to me and ask me things that they can't ask their mother or their best friend. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't hear 'just ask Marlene.' That's how we got the name for my website, Just Ask Marlene, or JAM. I'm not a shrink, a nutritionist, or a teacher -- but for those reasons they might listen to me!"

Each book in the series focuses on a different aspect of tween life. "My Self" is what Wallach considers the hub, tackling a variety of tween issues, from confidence to tricky interpersonal relationships, in a warm, conversational tone that doesn't patronize. "What the books are about is empowering young girls to be the best they can be and have their unique beauty shine through from the inside out," Wallach says.

"My Life" serves as a guide to health and fitness, with tips on everything from posture to sleep and Q&A profiles with tween athletes. "My Look" helps tweens work with their best assets, and "My Beauty" has the requisite makeup tips while emphasizing a more natural approach to personal maintenance. JustAskMarlene.com supports these books with a chipper, colorful online community where tweens can further explore these topics.

So far, the response to the series has been pleasantly eye-opening for Wallach. "First of all, I've got to say that I'm always thrilled when someone orders the book because it means the message has shined through and that's my goal. It's the most meaningful thing in my career. If I can give one tip to make a girl this age shine through a little more, I'll have made a difference."

Considering she runs the largest kid modeling agency in the world, I'm about ready to mine these tips myself.

I wanted to share with all of you 3 wonderful posts about My Tween Lifestyle Collection and the JustAskMarlene site this week. Thanks to Jennifer Wagner, Judy Antell & Tracey Beckerman for spreading the word!

Introducing FABULOUS FINDS FRIDAYS! Post from Lost In Suburbia-http://lostinsuburbiablog.blogspot.com/2009/10/introducing-fabulous-finds-fridays.html

There are a lot of times when I come across something cool, or fun, or amazing, and I want to share the news. Since the purpose of my blog and humor column is to entertain, I don't want to veer away from that too much. However, I thought I could take one day a week in my blog to spread the word about something I think other moms would also find cool or fun or amazing. So, I am pleased to introduce, FABULOUS FINDS FRIDAYS. I could have done this on a Thursday or Monday, but I like alliteration, so Fridays, it is. This week, I happened to discover something pretty neat for my 12 year-old daughter. As a mom, I am all about trying to help my daughter get through her tween and teen years with confidence and great self-esteem (and me get through her tween and teen years with my sanity intact). But even though I like to think I am a pretty cool mom, my daughter, like most pre-teen and tween and teen girls, would rather eat Lima Beans than take advice from me on the topics of boys, or friends, or fashion, or beauty.
 Fortunately there is Marlene Wallach. Marlene is the President and owner of the Wilhelmina Modeling Agency for Kids and Teens. From her work with young girls, she knows firsthand what girls go through as they go from being kids to tweens to teens. So this fall, she decided to turn what she knows into a series of books. My Tween Lifestyle Collection, is a collection of four books called, “My Self,” “My Life,” “My Beauty,” and “My Look.” In these books, Marlene covers subjects that include health, fashion, beauty and self-esteem. The books are fun, cute, and filled with advice, quizzes, projects and photos. With great tips like “The 10 Commandments of a Better Body Image” and “How to Cope with Frenemies,” the tone of the books is like advice from a smart, older friend and sends a great message that real beauty comes from the inside out. As an aside, Marlene also has a website for girls called Just Ask Marlene, where she offers similar advice to what’s in the books, as well as interviews, downloads, and an interactive section where girls can post questions for Marlene. I have to admit, although I got the books for my daughter, my inner teen wanted to read them myself. I skimmed through them and realized that it is actually a great series for moms and dads too, to help us understand what our kids are feeling as they go through their teens, and how we can better communicate with them in a way that they can hear what we have to say and take it in. And if she still won’t listen to me, my daughter can Just Ask Marlene. ☺ 
 

This is the Post from New York City Moms Blog-http://www.nycmomsblog.com/2009/10/mom-as-expert.html#more
October 11, 2009
Mom as expert?
 
I worked at a parenting magazine where our first question to pr pitches was always “is she a mom?’  Whether someone had written a book, produced a DVD, invented a parenting product, we always felt that being a parent conferred some extra power.  But a couple of things have changed my mind.
One is Kate.  The star of the TLC reality show, Kate Gosselin is such a celebrity now that just typing in ‘Kate’ brings her name up first in Google.  She has leapfrogged past Academy Award winning actresses named Kate, Kate Spade and almost any word that starts with ‘ka’ (except kayak).
Another woman has put to rest the notion that parents have to write about kids and families.  Marlene Wallach www.justaskmarlene.com, president of Wilhelmina Kids & Teens Modeling Agency has a new series of books out for tween girls.  The 4 book My Tween Lifestyle Collection speaks so perfectly to tween girls that I now think maybe the best way to write about kids is from the outside.  The books: My Self, My Look, M Beauty and My Life cover aspects like stress management, fashion and styling tips and self-esteem.  My 11 year old was like a junkie, polishing one book off only to dive right into the next.
Marlene, who spoke to a group of mom bloggers the other day (and gave us each a set of books) notes that some of her tips work for adults and tween boys.  I doubt many 11 year old boys are secure enough in their masculinity to pick up a one of these books, but if you have a son, maybe you can read them on the QT and suggest some of the relaxation techniques or exercise routines.
This is an original post to NYC Mom’s Blog.
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Posted by Judy Antell on October 11, 2009 at 02:07 AM in Books, Judy, NYC Moms Blog Stuff | Permalink

This is the Post from Connect With Your Teens Blog- http://connectwithyourteens.blogspot.com/

Tween Lifestyle Books from Just Ask Marlene
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Marlene Wallach, the President of Wilhelmina Kids & Teens modeling agency, has written a collection of tween lifestyle books. These books were created to help every girl be the best she can be. Marlene also has a website, Just Ask Marlene, created to empower girls to find their unique beauty and have it shine from the inside out. Marlene is not trying to turn girls into models. Her goal is to give tween girls the confidence and tools to look and feel their best and to battle the overwhelming feelings of self-consciousness that are so prevalent in teens and tween girls.
There are four books in the tween lifestyle collection:

My Self: A Guide to Me - Probably the most unique and important of the four. My Self includes sections on self-esteem issues, the 10 commandments of body image, how to speak up and negotiate, how to give and take criticism, frenemies, bullying, relaxation, inspiration and more.

My Life: A Guide to Health and Fitness - Includes sports and exercise, a meal planner, sleep and health and fitness issues, which are important at any age.

My Look: A Guide to Fashion & Style - Including are tips on how to create a mood wall; how to shop till you drop in friends or sisters closets, sales and thrift shops; keeping a wardrobe diary; clothes for different figures and packing for trips, sleepovers, etc.

My Beauty: A Guide to Looking and Feeling Great - A guide to hair, including hair styles for different faces and salons; makeup, fresh and free of allergies and skincare, water so important.

The books are light and colorful and are packed with quizzes, techniques, interviews, games, charts, quotes, tips and more. Marlene's lifestyle books will also be useful to any parent struggling to help their tweens deal with any of these issues. They would make a great gift for single fathers struggling to understand their tween daughters. Much of what is contained in the My Self and My Life books can be applied to boys also. There is so little written for and about tween boys, that it is great that those two books are fairly unisex.

Don't forget to also take a look at the Just Ask Marlene (JAM) website. It has areas on the four topics that the book cover, plus a section on modeling, another section called Fun, containing downloads, giveaways, videos, discussions and a blog. The books and website are intended for tweens and teens approximately 8 - 14 years old. Both the Just Ask Marlene website and her My Self, My Life, My Look and My Beauty books aim to get tweens to stop trying to be perfect and to start feeling good about who they are.

Eating Disorders Stats and Facts

At a recent Barnes & Noble Event for MY TWEEN LIFESTYLE COLLECTION I was asked a question by a parent about eating disorders.  For those of you who have questions about it, here’s some general information written by a colleague of mine Lana Kislin, MS pursing her RD. If you have questions of a more specific nature, please write to me at justaskmarlene@gmail.com

As parents and caregivers of adolescents and pre-adolescents, it is important to recognize how the change in body shape and a heightened influence of self perception along with peer opinion can put our daughters at risk for adopting behaviors that negatively impact their overall health.  National studies show that approximately half of adolescent females are attempting weight loss on any given day.  Progression of body dissatisfaction to simple dieting behaviors may lead to eating disorders.  An awareness of eating disorders is critical in its prevention and treatment.  Below are the characteristics of anorexia and bulimia nervosa.

Anorexia Nervosa
 
Diagnosis:

- Self starvation
- Distorted body image
- Fear of being overweight
- Refusal to maintain weight above the recommended weight for height and age
- Amenorrhea – absence of menstrual cycle

Stats and Facts:

- 10 -15% of people die from the disease
- Fatalities due to weakened immune system, gastric ruptures, cardiac arrhythmia, heat failure or suicide.
- Recovery rate:  40 – 50%

Bulimia Nervosa

Diagnosis:

- Recurrent episodes of binge eating characterized by eating a much larger portion size than usual in a short period of time, while feeling a lack of self control. 
- Recurrent compensatory behavior to prevent weight gain (self induced vomiting (purging), fasting, excessive exercise, laxative, diuretic and enema use. 
- Patients treated for bulimia may be overweight, underweight or average weight.

Stats and Facts:

- 5% of people die from this condition.
- Fatalities due to heart failure as a result of electrolyte imbalance or suicide.
- Recovery rate:  50 – 60%

At an early age, children mimic their parents, friends and images they encounter in the media.  You know your child so note any changes in eating patterns that may arise.  Talk to her by being honest and informed!